so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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