my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
