Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
