youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Fuck me I smell like cheese
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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