And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
