there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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