4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
