They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
