Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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