At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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