my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
