You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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