The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Everclear isn't food dammit
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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