He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
