i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
