That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
