conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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