fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
