She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
