i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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