Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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