I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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