god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Success! We fucked roommates!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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