I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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