Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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