Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
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just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
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I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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