i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
operation harelip BJ is a go
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
