so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
