I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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