I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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