you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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