Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
