peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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