I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
