Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
