After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
