I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
