New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
third nipple confirmed
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
