why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
