First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The Olympian is in my bed
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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