so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
