oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
should my penis look like a turkey
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
