one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
