dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
