I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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