I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
