I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
