god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Randomize
