i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
