I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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