I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
