I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
