I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
