What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
