Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
