What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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