when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
