i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
