he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
