She is in my trunk
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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