Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
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