I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
