He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
dude i'm inner monologue high
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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