remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
