It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
it's like iHOP with fire
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
