New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
