Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It's blow job season.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
