Don't make out with my wife yet
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
