i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
