K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
