My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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