i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
