we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
