There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
