i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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