I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
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she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
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Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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