My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
