No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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